There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
