everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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