First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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