on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
