and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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