My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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