I'm jealous of your bromance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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