I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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