so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
