I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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