The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
