Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
