And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
