and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
