I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
