we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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