this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
