I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
