someone get that fucking seahorse.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
