You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
