ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Your dad touched me again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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