I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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