for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
