I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Everything about him screamed your future.
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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