You're my little dorito
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
