You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
