Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
