Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
