hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
