You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
