So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
