I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
