I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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