I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
