fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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