Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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