weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
