I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
