ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
