so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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