Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
