somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
