i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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