i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
