you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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