he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
