I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
