Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
