u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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