we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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