Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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