Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
