you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
