I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
