So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
