so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
