Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
