You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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