nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
