I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
