Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
