Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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