Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
