Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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