what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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