rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
