rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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