Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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