I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
