what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
