running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
