She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
