dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
