They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize